So today I got the prod. schedule for Rusalka, the Czech Opera, sent to me via e-mail. I was suddenly hit by a wave of emotions. I really can’t understand how I feel right now. I feel so excited about the next few months of rehearsals and performances. It’s my first ever production as a voice major, and simultaneously my first ever opera solo. I can’t lie; I do feel a bit of pressure.
At the same time, seeing how much time it’ll take up overwhelms me. I mean, I knew the rehearsals would take a lot of time but now I finally have the specifics. Now it feels more concrete to me. Actually, before I got the sheet music and the prod schedule, I was still in a sort of gotta-see-it-to-believe-it mindset. But now seeing it on the boxes in my planner, seeing all the e-mails and the sheet music, It feels so real to me.
I honestly feel like panicking, and backing out. First time jitters, I guess. But I resolve from today until the end of the prod. to just enjoy every exhausting, exhilarating minute of it.
It’s been a long time since I wrote in this blog. A lot has happened since then. And by a lot, I really do mean a lot. I got past my first year in the UP college of Music. By “got past”, I mean I excelled, something that I did not expect at all. (Yey me!) Now I have two jobs, one teaching voice and piano in Las Piñas and the other teaching music theory in Quezon City. I have three projects lined up in the next few months: Two musicals; The Legend of M and Song of Joseph, and one opera; Rusalka. Aside from that, I’m going to be gearing up for NAMCYA, the most prestigious classical music competition in the country.
It sounds like a lot, and, again, it IS a lot. I can’t really complain. I realize I am way closer to my dreams now than I’ve ever been and a lot of people would kill to be in my spot. I guess I’m just having trouble adjusting to all of it. The world really feels like it’s moving too fast, like when you ride a car and it goes 200 mph and everything outside looks like a blur. I assume that this is normal, that this is what being an adult, what growing up and being responsible feels like. And I suppose it IS time I grew up. But I don’t know. I guess I was just caught off guard. I need time, and unfortunately, I don’t have it. I guess all I can do now is do my best, pour myself into my work and pray that somewhere in between I’ll figure out how to keep breathing.